


Without a leg to stand on

by BlazingStarInInkyBlackness



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Child Abuse, Disabled Character, Hurt/Comfort, Jefferson needs his damn cane
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-09
Updated: 2017-04-10
Packaged: 2018-10-16 22:02:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 19,920
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10580361
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlazingStarInInkyBlackness/pseuds/BlazingStarInInkyBlackness
Summary: Five years since the incident. Five years of a using a cane. Five years of being beaten. Thomas Jefferson just wants a break. What he does not want is Alexander Hamilton butting in. It might be what he needs.





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> (What do you mean this is procrastination?)  
> (What do you mean this was something I thought happening in Yorktown but then realised it wouldn't work in the universe and just wanted more Jefferson/ Hamilton in my life?)  
> The next chapter should be up in a few days.

Thomas had good days. Everybody did. It was the only way to stop people from falling into the abyss that was depression and the lack of a will to live. He also had bad days. Bad days that were probably a bit worse than most people.

He was having a bad day.

Most of it was down to a certain immigrant bastard who couldn’t keep his mouth shut for more than a few minutes. Thomas was sat in his chair, watching as Alexander made a fool out himself. He was talking about something to do with the budget. Thomas knew that in a moment James would stand up and defeat every point Alexander had just made.

Instead of listening Thomas leant his head back as his head started to ache. Alexander’s ramblings often made his head hurt.

“Is there a problem Jefferson?”

Thomas looked up as he realised Alexander was talking to him. Thomas sighed and sat up a bit.

“Why would there be a problem?”

“Because you look half asleep. If you don’t get enough sleep at home then that’s no excuse-”

“Mr Hamilton,” the teacher warned, “if you could continue please.” Thomas snorted at that. It might be the first time he’d ever seen a teacher ask Alexander to continue. Alexander glared at Thomas for a moment before he continued. Thomas leant back again and closed his eyes.

After the lesson Alexander cornered him.

“What the fuck was that?”

“I don’t know to be honest. Your presentation skills leave a lot to be desired.”

“I’m your fucking presentation partner! I know you can’t stand me but you could have tried!”

“What can I say, I thought you could do it on your own.”

“How can you just sit down and do nothing! This goes towards our grade!”

“And I am sure you did fine.”

“That’s not the point! How are you okay with someone else doing the work for you? You’ve never been okay with it before!”

“People change. Now then, if you don’t mind, I’d like to spend my lunch hour somewhere other than here.”

“Where?”

“Literally anywhere else. I’ll see you around.” With that Thomas began to walk off. He could feel Alexander’s eyes on his back. At least for once he wasn’t focusing on the cane.

Thomas had used the cane for the last five years since the accident left him with a fucked up leg and almost constant pain. People had learned very quickly not to mess with the purple cane. They’d learnt the first time Thomas had sent someone to the hospital for trying to take it. James still wouldn’t let him live that down.

At the thought Thomas tightened his grip on the cane. It was garish but it was something he needed to walk. Sue him for being a bit overprotective of it.

 

The walk home was a long one. A long and painful one. Thomas’ leg always seemed to hurt as it turned cold, no matter how much he wanted to brush it off as superstition. He hunched further in on himself, an action slightly hampered by his cane.

He checked his phone as he walked but saw no replies to his texts. His dad didn’t seem to care that his son was walking home alone. Thomas shook his head at that. He did care. He would just be busy with something else.

When Thomas finally entered the house he was shaking slightly and his leg was crying out in agony. He limped to the kitchen and collapsed into one of the chairs. He bent his head forwards and squeezed his eyes shut. The pain was all consuming, the kind of pain that refused to budge no matter how much he tried to ignore it.

After several minutes Thomas stood and limped to the drawer they kept the painkillers in. He took three, ignoring the warnings on the box. They wouldn’t do much against this kind of pain but they might do something.

He then went back to face planting the table.

The ache in his leg slowly decreased to a throbbing not quite agony and Thomas realised that was the best he’d get. He hauled himself up, leaning most of his body weight on the crutch, and walked into the living room. At least here there’d be something to entertain him other than how many chairs the table had.

Thomas collapsed onto one of the couches and carefully raised his leg up. Elevating it would do jack shit but not putting weight on it could be the difference between an hour of pain and a week of it. Thomas pulled his phone out of his pocket. It had buzzed several times on the way home.

**From: Jemmy**

**Are you walking today?**

**From: Jemmy**

**Thomas?**

**From: Jemmy**

**I’m guessing you were an idiot and decided to tough it out rather than ask for my help.**

Thomas smiled at that.

**To: Jemmy**

**It’s fine**

**From: Jemmy**

**Really? So you’re not in any pain?**

**To: Jemmy**

**I’m fine. It barely hurts**

Thomas stared at his leg as he sent the message. It wouldn’t help either of them if he told James the truth.

**From: Jemmy**

**Still should have told you**

**To: Jemmy**

**Okay mom**

**From: Jemmy**

**Thomas if I was your mother I’d kill you :)**

Thomas put the phone down at that and began to massage his leg. Stimulating the muscle sometimes helped for some reason. Thomas didn’t really understand the injury, he’d been far too out of it at the time and afterwards he just didn’t want to know. He still didn’t.

When the throbbing faded slightly Thomas stood. He wanted to lie on the sofa and let his leg hurt but he had work to do. As he picked up his bag he nearly overbalanced and when he had righted himself he just took a deep, steadying breath.

He could do this.

Thomas slowly made his way up the stairs and slowly lowered himself into his desk chair. He pulled his books out of his bag and sighed as he looked down at the homework. This would suck.

 

Thomas stayed in his room until his work was done. When it was he leant back and sighed. The painkillers were beginning to wear off but there was no way he’d be able to get down the stairs and back.

He thought back to Alexander’s conversation earlier. Sometimes he almost felt sorry for the boy. Thomas should have taken more interest in the presentation but he knew how much Alexander would do. Thomas had decided he’d do more of the presentation himself and let Alexander do the research.

Then his leg had flared up. He’d barely made it through the day as it was, let alone standing up for ten minutes as Alexander lectured the class. Alexander was trying at the best of times, in both senses of the word.

Thomas was broken from his thoughts as he heard the door open. He sat up a bit straighter to listen for his father’s footsteps. The footsteps came up the stairs and Thomas sucked in a breath. He didn’t dare let it out as the footsteps continued to his door.

The door swung open and his father slumped into the room. Thomas stared at him and forced himself to breathe evenly. So the man was drunk. That wasn’t too bad. He’d been drunk and tolerable plenty of times.

This didn’t seem to be one of those times.

“The fuck you doing here?” The man slurred out. Thomas sighed. He wanted to stand, to face the problem face on but he didn’t know if his leg would give out under him.

“I was doing my homework.”

“Stand up when I’m fucking speaking to you.”

“Sir-”

“I said stand up!” The man roared. Thomas stared at him for a moment before he pushed out his chair. His leg threatened to give out underneath him but he didn’t dare reach for his cane. His father stepped forwards and Thomas followed the movement dumbly. “Have you finished dinner?”

“No sir.” Thomas made sure to keep his voice even and didn’t let himself mumble. If he did either then everything would be worse.

“Why not?”

“I don’t know sir.” Thomas could feel his leg shaking beneath his weight.

“Do it now.” With that the man left the room and Thomas collapsed back onto his chair. He sucked in air as all of the pain he’d been fighting off for that afternoon suddenly flooded back. He bit down on his lip to stop any noise coming out. After several long minutes he gripped his cane and stood again.

He leant heavily on the cane as he walked down the stairs and into the kitchen. His father had set up residency at the table with a bottle of beer. Thomas frowned at that. He’d hoped that he would be able to make their dinner with all the preparation down while sitting down. His father eyed the cane as Thomas hobbled over to the workstation.

Thomas let his cane rest on the work surface and leant against the wall. It did very little to help but it did something at least.

“You’re still using that damn thing?”

Thomas took a deep breath before he turned back to his father.

“Pardon?”

“You’re still using that stick?”

“Yes sir.” Thomas turned to the work surface as he began to cut up vegetables.

“Why?”

“It helps with the pain sir.”

“Pain?” The man snorted. “I knew you were soft when you were born. You don’t need a fucking crutch to get through it.”

“I’m sorry sir.” Thomas had figured out a long time ago that there was no point in fighting his father.

“Give it here.”

“Sir-”

“I said give it here!”

Thomas felt his breath catch in his throat. If his father broke it he wouldn’t be able to go to school the next day. His leg was a lot worse than it had been in a long time. If he didn’t go to school everything would be worse.

But if he didn’t give his father the cane then-

Thomas didn’t get the chance to think through the other possibility as his father stood and grabbed the cane.

“No!” Thomas yelled. He tried to stumble forwards but his leg gave out. He fell to the floor with an audible sound. His father stood over him and stared down at him in disgust.

“What did you say to me?”

Thomas forced himself into a kneeling position. He wanted to stand his ground but this was just as good.

“Please sir, I need it!”

“Like a bullet in your head.” His father snarled. Thomas flinched at that. “Stand up.” Thomas stared up at him before forcing his legs to obey him. He slowly rose, one arm holding his leg in pain. His father stared at him for a long moment before lifting Thomas’ cane. Thomas reached for it but at the last moment his father withdrew it. Rather than handing it over he grabbed one end of it and thrust the butt into Thomas’ stomach.

It threw him back to the floor as he began to cough.

“You force me to do this.” His father spat as he threw the cane down next to Thomas. “If you didn’t get me angry then maybe we could be a goddamn family again!” Thomas didn’t say anything as he regained his breath. He knew they weren’t a family, knew they weren’t a family because of him. “Now get up and finish dinner.”

With that the man left. Thomas watched him go from the floor. He reached for his cane and held it close in his shaking hands.

 

When the next day rolled around Thomas walked into school with a broad smile on his face. James spotted him and rolled his eyes.

“What happened to you last night?”

_My father stole my cane, told me he wanted me dead and then hit me with my own cane. Don’t look so shocked, it’ll probably happen tonight._

“Had a three some.”

“Yeah right.” James scoffed. “If you don’t want to tell me then that’s fine.”

“I stayed at home and did my homework. My first story was a lot better.”

“The second was true.” Thomas scoffed at that. No-one wanted the truth, not really. “Also, have you heard what’s happening with Lafayette?”

“What’s up with Laf?” Thomas frowned. He liked Lafayette. Even if he did have a horrible habit of sticking around Alexander.

“I heard John Laurens say something about adoption.”

“To who?”

“Washington?”

“You must have heard wrong.” Thomas closed his locker and leant against it. In James’ excitement he seemed to not notice it.

“That’s what I thought. Then I heard Alexander say something about it.”

“Alexander will say anything about anything.”

“Just because he talks a lot doesn’t mean he’s uninformed.”

“Doesn’t mean he is informed.” Thomas pointed out. The bell rang above his head and he sighed. “Time to go.” He took a moment to compose himself before he pushed himself off the lockers. James frowned.

“Is your leg hurting?”

“It’s fine James.”

“Are you-”

“James we’ve talked about this.” Thomas stared at James who just sighed. “I know my limits.”

“You say the same about alcohol Thomas. I don’t trust you there either.”

Thomas laughed at that.

“I’m not the only one who doesn’t know their limits there.”

“You-”

“Don’t try to deny it James. Do you remember that time when you started yelling that you wrote the constitution of the United States?” James glared at the ground before grinding out an answer.

“No.”

“It’s because it didn’t happen.”

“I hate you.”

“Love you too dear.”

 

The school day was difficult. Thomas’ leg didn’t seem to want to stop hurting and Alexander was glaring at him at every opportunity given to him. Thomas wished he’d stop. He got more than enough glares at home. At least he knew that if Alexander hit him he could hit back.

He could try at least.

Luckily Alexander didn’t corner him that day. He seemed too excited about something else. Throughout lunch he was almost bouncing with excitement. At the beginning it was almost cute how excited he was. By the end it was just frustrating. Thomas’ leg wasn’t as bad as the last day but it was bad.

When the end of school rolled around James cornered him.

“You’re coming home with me.”

“Buy me dinner first.” Thomas smiled as he spoke. He had to fight to keep it from becoming a grimace.

“I mean- you know what I mean!”

“But the fact that it still embarrasses you means I simply can’t stop! I don’t need help getting home.”

“Thomas I can see that you’re in pain. I get that you don’t want to use a wheelchair but I don’t understand why you’re so ready to inflict more pain on yourself for no other reason than because you’re too stubborn.”

“If I accepted help then I’d need to change my name. Do you know how hard it is to replace middle names?”

“Come on.” James pulled his arm and Thomas followed him. Sitting in James’ car was a relief. He let his eyes slip closed for a second. The seats were far more comfortable than the ones at the school and he didn’t have to put any weight onto it.

When Thomas opened his eyes he saw James watching him. It wasn’t a pitying stare, Thomas had yelled at him enough times for those. It was just sad.

“What is it James?”

“Is there a reason your leg is so bad?”

“Because I pushed it too far yesterday and it’s cold.”

“And not-”

“What are you trying to say James?” Thomas’ voice was cold, as it always was when James tried to breach that topic.

“I’m asking if your father has hurt you.”

“You’re asking if my father, fully knowing and understanding my chronic pain did something to increase it. Do you realise how heartless that sounds?”

“Thomas-”

“My father is not the reason my leg hurts.” Thomas reassured James. Technically he hadn’t lied. His father didn’t understand his illness and while his father may have exacerbated it the previous day he had not caused it. That had been Thomas’ fault and five years had passed since.

“Okay. Is he hurting you again?”

“No. I told you that it was just a one-off.”

“A one-off that nearly put you into hospital.”

“Nearly. He won’t do it again.” He was too smart for that. Thomas had known since that day that he’d never end up in hospital alive. His father hid the marks he made and forced Thomas to lie. If his father did lose patience to the extent that the injuries would be obvious Thomas didn’t trust him to stop.

“If he does then tell me. You’re my friend Thomas and I don’t want you to be in pain.”

“Probably should have found a friend who _didn’t_ have chronic pain.” Thomas chuckled after that and James rolled his eyes. “Are you getting me home or is this just an elaborate ruse to kidnap me?”

James didn’t bother answering, just turned the engine on. Thomas leant his head back and tried to prepare himself for whatever shit show waited for him at home. Just as Thomas got out of the car James shot him a worried look. Thomas ignored it.

“See you tomorrow.”

“Do you want me to pick you up?” Thomas hesitated at that before he nodded. James smiled. “See you tomorrow Thomas.”

Thomas walked up to his house and opened the door. His house was quiet and he smiled at that. He walked to his room and pulled his phone out.

**To: Frenchie dear**

**What’s all this about you and Washington?**

The response was almost immediate.

**From: Frenchie dear**

**Mon ami!**

Thomas laughed before dialling in Lafayette’s number. It didn’t even finish the first set of rings before Lafayette was there.

“Salut Thomas!”

“Salut.” Thomas leant back and let his leg rest on his bed. His cane was propped up on his desk.

“You make it sound as if we are intimate!”

“For god’s sake tell me you’re not.”

“Mon ami!” Lafayette squeaked. Thomas laughed.

“I’m kidding Laf. You’d never settle for him.”

“He is ready to adopt me.”

“Shit, really?” Thomas sat up at that. This was serious. Lafayette had barely accepted Washington as a foster parent when he first moved to America.

“Oui.”

“What’s with the change of heart?”

“What I’ve seen de petit lion doing.”

“Why does Alexander have to come into every conversation?”

“Mon ami,” Lafayette’s voice was light but scolding, “if you were to give him a chance-”

“The last time I gave him a chance he stole my cane.”

“That was many years ago.”

“What made you want to accept Washington?”

“I thought that it is time for my roots to spread here. Martha is a mother more than my own. Washington has been my father longer than my real one. They cared for me and I no longer wish to be an orphan.”

“Yeah well. That’s pretty solid logic.” Thomas leant down to his leg and started to massage it.

“You would enjoy de petit lion’s company you know.”

“Please don’t lecture me on Alexander.”

“He is truly sorry for what he did. He did not think it was a true cane. He thought you were merely-”

“Just making it up? Everything he says is a lie Laf. He lectures everyone about invisible illnesses and how important it is to not judge someone and then he sees someone with a fucking cane and he decides to take it.” Thomas took a deep breath and forced himself to take a breath.

“Mon ami-”

“I know Laf. I get that he’s sorry but every time we try to talk we just end up arguing. It won’t work.”

“Some people say that anger is the beginning of love.”

“No-one says that Laf. What people do say is that absence makes the heart grow stronger. So as long as Alexander stays the fuck away from me I’m safe from any heart attacks.”

“You are very cruel sometimes Thomas.”

“I-” Thomas broke off as his door slammed open. He stared at his father in fear.

“Mon ami?”

“Who’s that?” His father snapped out. Thomas glanced at the phone.

“I-”

“Who the fuck is it?”

“Thomas, what’s going on?”

“It-it’s Lafayette, dad.”

“The fucking poof?”

Thomas winced at that. Lafayette must have heard it.

“Thomas-” Lafayette began to get angry but Thomas spoke before he could.

“Please don’t call him that, dad.”

“He wears make up Thomas. He’s a freak.”

“Dad-”

“Next thing you know he’ll pass it onto you. Make you a freak too. More of one anyway.”

“Laf, I’ve gotta go.” Thomas mumbled before he hung up. Lafayette’s response was cut off.

“Thought I told you to stay away from him.”

“I’m sorry dad. He had some big news.”

“Really? He finally man up?”

“He got adopted.”

“Who’d want that?”

“George Washington?”

“I have half a mind to take you out of that fucking school. It’s filled with poofs and homos.”

“Dad-”

“Don’t give me a fucking reason.”

“Yes sir.” Thomas ducked his head as his father stared at him.

“Do your fucking homework.” The man turned on his heels without another word and Thomas turned back to his work. As he did his phone all but exploded.

**From: Frenchie dear**

**What was that?**

**From: Frenchie dear**

**Are you okay?**

**From: Frenchie dear**

**Are you in danger?**

**From: Frenchie dear**

**Have you not come out to him?**

**From: Frenchie dear**

**You said you were out Thomas**

Thomas sighed and didn’t bother reading the other texts. That was his cover blown.

**To: Frenchie dear**

**Sorry about that Laf. I’m safe and it’s all fine now. I haven’t come out to him but I will do it.**

**From: Frenchie dear**

**You lied to me**

**To: Frenchie dear**

**I don’t have time for this Laf**

Thomas tried not to feel guilty as his phone lit up again. He had to do his homework.

The evening meal was spent in an awkward silence. His father was glaring at him and Thomas was just trying to eat.

“Why was the poof talking to you?”

“I called him.”

“You _wanted_ to talk to him?”

“He’s my friend sir.”

“I’ve told you before Thomas,” the man stood and Thomas felt his heart speed up, “that freak is not your friend. Neither’s the cripple. My son isn’t going to hang around with freaks like that.”

“Dad, please don’t talk about them like that.” Thomas all but whispered. He curled in on himself. He knew that this was the easiest way to a beating but he couldn’t take it. James wasn’t a cripple, he was just sick a lot.

“I’ll talk about them any way I damn want!” The man shouted. Thomas nodded shakily but his father didn’t seem to be satisfied. He strode down the length of the table and grabbed Thomas by the collar. Thomas gasped as his father dragged him upright.

“Sir pl-please-” Thomas broke off as his father slammed him into a wall.

“When you live under my roof you will not question me!” Thomas flinched as spit flew into his face from how close his father was standing. “Do you fucking understand?”

“Yes.” Thomas whispered. He let out a sharp cry as his father punched him in the gut.

“I said, do you fucking understand?”

“Yes sir.” Thomas’ voice was hoarse. His father stared at him for a long moment before dropping him. The man walked to the table and grabbed Thomas’ cane. Thomas let out a half whine and the man turned to him in disgust. He took the cane in both hands and cracked it across his knee. Thomas let out a half cry and his father sneered down at him as he threw the two halves to the floor.

“You don’t fucking deserve this.” With that he left the room. Thomas stared after him and forced himself to reach for the cane. The two pieces were snapped clean through and he knew there was no way of binding it back up.

He struggled to sit up, still clutching the two pieces as if it could still help him. His stomach ached but his leg was more worrying. As always. Thomas knew it wasn’t meant to hurt this much but his father had long since taken the meds to take the pain away. Thomas only filled out the prescription for him. He knew he wouldn’t get any painkillers.

He knew he didn’t really deserve any.

That was what it boiled down to in the end. He didn’t deserve any of this. He didn’t deserve his cane or his medication or a pain free life. It had been his fault, everything had been his fault.

Thomas felt tears dribble down his face but he swiped them away. He didn’t need to look more pathetic. What’s worse than a cripple unable to move? A crying one. Thomas almost laughed at that. It was the fucking punchline to his life.

He hauled himself to his feet and whimpered as soon as he put any weight onto his bad leg. He had to take several moments of just standing still before he began to limp forwards. Every time he had to put weight onto his bad leg he wanted to give up but he never did. Each step was agony until he collapsed onto his bed.

When he was finally there he was exhausted. He couldn’t even bring himself to change before he turned the light off and crawled under the covers. As he fell asleep he knew he didn’t deserve any of this. A quiet sob broke from him and he curled further in on himself. He didn’t deserve this warmth or even the pain in his legs.

He deserved death.

Thomas tried to push that thought from his mind but it had year’s worth of experience of staying rooted in place.

 

“Did something happen?” Was the first thing James asked as Thomas stepped into his car. Thomas shook his head. “Bullshit.” James stared at him. “Where the fuck is your cane?”

“I broke it.” Thomas said quietly.

“You broke it?” James exclaimed. Thomas shrugged. He couldn’t be bothered with arguing right now. All he wanted to do was fall asleep again. He knew he couldn’t but he could always hope. “Thomas, you don’t just break something like that!”

“I’ve had it for the last five years James. What did you expect?” Thomas leant his head against the glass.

“Thomas you’re scaring me. Is there-”

“It’s nearly her birthday.” Thomas’ voice was soft.

“Oh.”

“I know it’s dumb but-” Thomas shook his head. “It’s been five years and I- I can’t-” Thomas felt tears fill his eyes but he brushed them angrily away. “They’re gone because of me James and I can’t-”

“They’re not gone because of you. They-”

“If I hadn’t been there they’d be alive.” Thomas’ voice was harsh but he didn’t care.

“You weren’t driving. You didn’t-”

“It should have-” Thomas broke off. It should have been him. He should be the one in the morgue.

“That’s it.”

“What?”

“We’re bunking off.”

“We can’t-”

“We can and we are.” James turned the engine on and pulled out of the driveway. “I know how bad your walking is without your cane.”

“Thank you.” Thomas said softly after a pause.

“Any time.”

 

It turned out that James’ definition of bunking off was going to his house and eating copious amounts of food. His parents weren’t in the house and Thomas let himself relax just a bit as he flopped over the sofa, giving his leg as much room as it could have.

“So, it still hurts?” James asked softly.

“Yeah.”

“You didn’t really tell me that.”

“I did.”

“Not to this extent Thomas.”

“I- I’m pretty sure half of it is psychological.” The other half was probably karma.

“But it still hurts.”

“Yeah.”

“Then it’s still real!” James scoffed. “That’s like saying a mental illness is psychological. Yeah it is. Doesn’t mean it should be dismissed.”

“My leg hurting is not a mental illness.” Thomas smiled at James who smiled back. “I have plenty of other things for a physiatrist to focus on.”

“I’m not even going to say anything.”

“Aw but Jemmy!”

“I’ve told you I hate that name.”

“I know. That’s why I use it.”

“Why am I still your friend?”

“Because I am simply the best.”

James scoffed and shook his head. “You’re certainly something.”

The day went fine until James’ mother came home.

As the door shut Thomas glanced over and frowned.

“Who-”

“Shit.” James breathed out. He stood and walked to the living room door.

“James?” His mother called out. “Why are you home?”

“Uh I- um-”

Thomas rolled his eyes. James was terrible at lying. Thomas hoped he’d never go into politics.

“It was my fault!” Thomas called out. After a few moments he saw James’ mother.

“Thomas! What-”

“I wasn’t feeling great and I unfortunately locked myself out of my house. I didn’t have anywhere to go.” Thomas shrugged. “James helped me.”

“Is your leg alright?” The woman asked. Thomas shrugged. He had pulled up the pants leg and the scar tissue could be seen. He tugged it down. He hated when people saw that.

“It’s playing up again. You’d think with less of a leg there’s be less of a problem.”

“Well- yes. I guess-” The woman sounded like she was in over her head and Thomas just continued to smile. “Shouldn’t it be time to get home though?” Thomas froze at that before checking his phone. He ignored the texts from Lafayette and just looked at the time.

“You’re right.”

“I’ll take him mom.”

“Okay. James, we will need to have a chat when you get back.”

James nodded at that and walked over to Thomas. Thomas shook him off. He could stand up without someone helping him. He forced himself up and took a step. He gasped out in surprise as he toppled forwards. James was there to catch him and Thomas nodded, squeezing his eyes closed.

“You okay?” James asked softly. Thomas nodded.

“Pins and needles.” He smiled before he winced again. He slowly pushed off James and tested the strength of his leg.

“Do you-”

“No. I-” Thomas shook his head. “I can do this on my own.”

“You don’t have to.”

Thomas ignored that as he continued to limp down the hallway, leaning heavily on the wall. James paused before he grabbed something from the hat stand.

“Use this.”

“Why the fuck do you have a cane here?”

“My dad’s foot hurts him sometimes.”

“Will he be okay with me taking this?” Thomas wanted to grab at the cane, he wanted to ease the agony in his leg so badly.

“Yeah. He doesn’t use it. It’ll be fine.”

“Thank you.” Thomas gripped the cane and smiled at how much easier it was to limp to the car.

The ride back to his house was silent. James seemed to have nothing to say. When they were outside the house James paused.

“Thomas, if there was something wrong- you’d tell me, right?”

“Of course.” Thomas lied. “You’re my friend James.”

“Okay. You’d better get inside.”

Thomas opened the car door and limped to his house. He could feel James’ eyes on his back but he ignored it. This was something he had to face on his own.

As soon as he opened the door he knew he was in trouble. He hobbled into the kitchen and saw his father sat there, glaring at him. Thomas glanced at the bottles that surrounded the man and ducked his head. He had to stay calm. If he got scared it would be just another reason to be hurt.

“I got a call today Thomas.” The man swirled the drink in his glass for a long moment before he continued. “I got a call from your school that you weren’t there.”

“I-”

“Don’t interrupt me!” The man yelled as he stood. Thomas sucked in a breath and forced himself to stare at his father.

“Sorry sir.”

“I had a call that you weren’t in school. Do you want to tell me why?”

“I wasn’t feeling well.”

“Don’t lie to me!” The man screamed. He stood and Thomas took a step back. “I am your father!”

“Yes sir.” Thomas all but whimpered. His father glared at him before he noticed the cane in his hands. Thomas instinctively tightened his grip around it.

“What the fuck is that?” The man asked quietly.

“It’s a cane sir. I-”

“I thought we agreed,” the man’s voice was soft but it only made Thomas more scared, “that you didn’t need one.”

“I’m sorr-” Thomas was cut off as his father punched him in the gut. Thomas hunched over and forced himself to take in deep breaths. It was always there, it always started there because they both knew no-one would look there.

“Give it to me.”

“N-no.” Thomas whispered. The man grabbed his collar and shoved him against the wall.

“What the fuck did you say to me?”

“I didn’t- I-”

The man ripped the cane from Thomas’ hands and threw him to the ground. Thomas tried to move but before he could the cane came down across his back. He screamed out in surprised pain and his father hit him again. Thomas curled in on himself as the hits continued to come. He just wanted it to be over.

“Stand up!” His father shouted. Thomas sobbed. How? “I said,” the man hit Thomas’ head, “get the fuck up!” Thomas stood and felt the world moving without his consent. His father sneered at him. “Not so tough now. You’re nothing!”

“Yes sir.”

“Turn around and hold onto the surface.”

“I-”

“Now!”

Thomas slowly followed the instructions. His leg was shaking and he knew he had to get this over with quickly. He wouldn’t be able to stand for much longer. He felt the cane come down across his back in a violent side swipe and he whimpered.

“Don’t make a fucking noise.”

Thomas nodded through the tears streaming down his face. His father pulled the cane back before swinging it with all of his strength at Thomas’ bad leg. Thomas couldn’t help the scream that ripped through him as his leg gave out and his chin caught the work surface.

“I told you to shut up!” His father shouted. Thomas nodded and struggled to stand but his leg was refusing. “Stand up!”

“I can’t.” Thomas sobbed out. His father shouted something as he brought the cane down again onto Thomas’ leg. Every instinct in him was screaming at him to run to protect his already aching leg. He fought against them. If he tried to run it would only be worse.

When the beating finally stopped Thomas’ entire body was screaming at him. His father stared down at him for a long moment.

“It’s your fucking fault you know. It’s your fault they died! It’s your fault I’m like this. You fucking deserve this.” Thomas just nodded and curled in on himself. “You’re pathetic. This is what I got? Out of all my children you were the one to survive? I wish you were dead!” The man kicked Thomas’ side and left. The front door slammed behind him.

Thomas’ tears didn’t stop for a long time. It started from the pain but after that had faded slightly it was just tears for what he’d lost, what he’d forced away.

If he hadn’t distracted her. If he hadn’t picked the stupid fight with his sister. If he had shut up when she told him to. She’d be alive. They’d all be alive.

Thomas curled in on himself. He survived that day. He survived being pulled out of the wreckage with a mangled leg. He’d pulled through despite every injury saying he shouldn’t. He survived but that was it. His life was gone.

It took him several hours to move to sit on one of the chairs. When he moved he spotted the cane in front of him. It was blood stained. Thomas’ lip wobbled at that. It had been a gift, a present. He’d fucked it up, just like he fucked everything up.

His father had been a good man before the accident. He’d been a good man and an excellent father. He’d been there for all of them. Then it was only Thomas and he changed. Thomas knew that it was his fault. It was his fault that his father had turned to drinking, had turned to beating.

Thomas didn’t want to fuck up James. He’d kill himself first. As Thomas fell asleep in a room stained with his own blood he wondered if that would be such a bad thing.

 

When the next morning arrived Thomas felt no better. The sharp pains had turned to dull aches that he almost hated more. Almost.

The first thing he did was text James.

**To: Jemmy**

**Got a ride to sch today**

**From: Jemmy**

**Really? Who?**

**To: Jemmy**

**Laf**

Thomas flicked through his phone to call Lafayette.

“Hey Laf.” Thomas was surprised at how hoarse his voice was. He coughed.

“Mon ami!” The relief in Lafayette’s voice was palpable.

“Yeah it’s me.”

“I did not see you yesterday I was worried.”

“My leg wasn’t feeling great. Decided to take the day off.”

“Was it simply that?”

“I’m fine Laf.” Thomas didn’t like lying. It made him feel sick to lie to people he knew, people he trusted. He almost enjoyed bending the truth though. “Can I have a lift?”

“Oui. When do you wish it?”

Thomas smiled. He could always count on Lafayette. When Thomas hung up he forced himself to stand. He had to get up the stairs. He had to wash the blood off the cane and anything that was on his face.

But he had to get up the stairs.

As Thomas stood he felt every bit of his body scream out in protest. He let out a whimper before he forced himself to stand fully. He didn’t want to think about what his chest would look like but at least he knew that there would be next to nothing on his face. His father might have been drunk but at least he retained some good sense.

Changing was a long process, especially as he refused to look at the mess that was his chest. He had to look at his leg and saw that it was swollen and almost covered with bruises. Thomas let his head drop at that. He knew he deserved it he just wished it didn’t have to be this hideous.

Next was scrubbing the cane clean. It turned his stomach as he stared at what he’d done to the pristine wood. There was a dent in it where his father had missed him and hit the work surface. Thomas took in a shuddering breath at that. That couldn’t be washed off.

The last step was looking in the mirror. Thomas forced himself to stand and hobbled into the bathroom. He stared into the mirror and huffed a laugh.

Nothing.

There was nothing that would suggest that the previous night had been anything unusual. Thomas could have been doing anything. At that thought Thomas felt more tears spring to his eyes but he brushed them away quickly. He didn’t want people to see it. He never wanted anyone to even suspect that something was happening. He loved his father.

Thomas’ phone buzzed and he checked it.

**From: Frenchie dear**

**I am outside**

**To: Frenchie dear**

**I’ll be there in a moment**

Thomas took one last look before accepting it as the best it would get to. He then started the long walk to the car. When he sat down Lafayette started to scrutinise him.

“What is it Laf?” Thomas asked tiredly.

“Why did you bunk off without me?”

“It wasn’t intentional.” Thomas laid his head back and closed his eyes.

“Are you alright mon ami?”

“Tried.” Thomas admitted. Lafayette frowned.

“Are you recovered from the yesterday?”

“Yeah. Just didn’t get a lot of sleep.”

“Okay.” Lafayette continued to shoot him anxious looks throughout the drive but Thomas didn’t have the energy to be mad at him.

Tonight it would be worse. It was always worse the night before her birthday. His father would imagine what he’d buy her, what he’d do for her, if only she was still alive.

Anything Thomas was going through was nothing compared to what he would go through on her birthday. Thomas vaguely wondered if he’d survive this one.

“Thomas?”

Thomas jumped as Lafayette said his name.

“What?”

“I just asked if you wished to eat lunch with me.”

“Uh sure. I’ll bring James over.”

“That is good. Also we have arrived.” Thomas glanced out the window to find that Lafayette was right.

“I didn’t even- thanks Laf.” Thomas would have liked to say he jumped from the car but his slow descent was anything but. Lafayette watched him with a nervous look which Thomas ignored. He could do this. He’d got through enough days like this.

As Thomas’ head began to pound he winced. Maybe not too many days exactly like this.

 

The day went downhill from there. Thomas was surprised that could happen. He hadn’t finished any of his homework or classwork for the last two days and had skipped a day. In every single lesson he was called upon to answer some ridiculous question.

Most of the teachers had something in for him, he was sure. He thought it was probably Alexander’s fault. He liked blaming stuff on Alexander. It made his life easier to hate the boy than to accept the rambling apologies Alexander went off on every so often.

His second period teacher gave him a detention. For a moment Thomas couldn’t breathe. He’d never had one before and he knew just what it meant. He knew how mad his father would get.

When the lesson was over he stumbled into the toilets and forced himself to breathe. He’d be okay. He’d be okay. He’d be okay. He’d-

He was fucked.

His father would have been bad enough but finding out that his son, his son who killed his own mother, was a failure would give him the excuse to beat Thomas until there was nothing left.

Thomas felt bile rise in his throat and pushed the toilet lid up in time for him to vomit. He stared into the bowl as his throat burned. It was mostly bile, he hadn’t eaten since the previous day’s breakfast, it had burned coming up but he knew more was coming.

“Thomas?”

Thomas groaned as he heard Alexander’s voice. He felt another wave of bile coming up and he leant over the toilet.

“Fuck off.” Thomas rasped out.

“You know I can’t do that.”

“Bullshit.” Thomas lay against the wall of the stall and felt his eyes half close. “You can just fucking walk out whenever you want.”

“Thomas please, I can help.”

Thomas laughed at that. It was a harsh noise that ripped apart his already weak throat.

“You can’t do jackshit Alexander.”

“You’re hurt.”

Thomas scoffed at that. “Yes well fucking noticed. I use a cane.”

“I mean-” Alexander sighed. “Look, there’s no-one else in here okay?”

“Wow. Some alone time with Alexander Hamilton. How lucky.”

“You’re hiding your injuries.” Alexander’s words made Thomas scoff. What the hell did he know?

“Cause you’re the fucking champion of spotting hidden illnesses.” Thomas scoffed. “Get out of here Alexander.”

“I’m not great at spotting hidden illnesses but I do know child abuse.” There was silence for a long moment before Alexander continued. “Can you open the stall please.” Thomas reached up and pulled the door open. Alexander stared down at him with no pity in his gaze.

“What did you-”

“Laf talks about you a lot. He’s been worried recently. I- I talked to James and- look, I- I was a dick, okay? When I took your cane. I fucked up. I saw that you’d been hurt. I thought you were using the cane to cover it up. I thought that if I took it then you’d be forced to say something.”

“You were an asshole.”

“I already said that. Look I- I don’t know what happened to you Thomas. I didn’t know then and I don’t know now. I haven’t asked anyone because it’s not my business.”

“You’re right. It’s not.” Thomas spat out. Alexander sighed.

“You’re being hurt Thomas.”

“You were wrong before.”

“No I wasn’t. You were scared and quiet. Your work wasn’t done and you looked exhausted. You kept on touching your arm and were having problems breathing.”

“I-”

“I reckon that whatever happened, someone beat you for it right after. You thought it was a one off so you didn’t bother telling anyone. Then when it continued you were too scared. You-”

“Shut up Alexander.” Thomas snapped. He let his head rest against the stall wall. Alexander was right. The night before he’d crept to his father and talked about a nightmare of the crash. The man had been drinking and he beat Thomas until Thomas passed out.

“Look, I haven’t got all the pieces and I’m not going to go to anyone with this. I haven’t for the last five years. I-”

“You thought I was being abused for half a fucking decade and did nothing?”

“I know how dangerous it is to bring CPS in when the child wasn’t warned beforehand. Every time I tried to talk to you you’d yell at me. When you stopped yelling then you just wouldn’t talk to me civilly. I- I lost my temper and I thought it was better.”

“He got better at hiding it.” Thomas whispered. Alexander nodded.

“Thought so.”

“I didn’t mean-” Thomas opened his mouth in horror as he realised he’d just told Alexander Hamilton his darkest secret.

“I’m not going to do anything Thomas. I want to. I want to go to Washington and explain what’s going on.”

“No.”

“Okay.” Alexander sighed. “Are any of your injuries dangerous?”

“Don’t think so.”

“Good.” Alexander reached out a hand which Thomas grasped. “I’m pretty sure Lafayette wants to corner you about what’s going on.”

“He knows?”

“Not really. He thinks you’re worried about how your father will react to you coming out.”

“That’s something I’m not going to go into.”

“Good choice.” Alexander smiled as Thomas hobbled to the sink.

“How do you know?”

“What?”

“No-one would put that stuff together. No-one can figure out abuse from that. I- I was careful. Every symptom I covered. I-”

“I’ve been through something similar.” Alexander suddenly seemed to be very interested in his hands. “I’ve seen other people go through it. Not many. A couple. Before I came here I was at a group foster home. I saw a few people who were being abused and some others who had been abused. One of the adults there hated me and so they beat me.”

“Jesus.”

“In the end I told someone and got moved here. The Washingtons fostered me and that’s the end of it.”

“I didn’t know.”

“Well, I didn’t know you had debilitating pain until I stole your cane so, I think we might be even there.” Thomas chuckled at that but stopped as pain flooded in. Alexander took a step closer before he stopped. “Are you-”

“I’m okay.” Thomas breathed deeply as he tried to convince his body as much as Alexander.

“Bullshit.” Alexander said quietly. Thomas smiled at him and felt something warm in his chest as Alexander smiled back. “Why were you so upset?”

“The detention.”

“Why?”

“My dad’s going to k-” Thomas broke off.

“Kill you?”

“It’s a phrase. It-”

“Will he?”

“Alexander-”

“Do you think your life is in danger if you go home?”

Thomas opened his mouth to dispel the idea, to laugh at the idea. Then he paused.

“I don’t know.”

“Come to my house.”

“Buy me dinner first.”

“How many times do you use that line?”

“Not often. I am pretty classy.” Thomas wanted to argue the point more, explain to Alexander that he didn’t need to go to a different house. Then he remembered his father’s parting words.

“Come on.” Alexander opened the door. “We’ve got lunch to get to.”

“Yeah. Okay.” Thomas took one last glance in the mirror to reassure himself that he looked fine before he stepped out of the room. The two made their way to the cafeteria in relative silence. Most of Thomas’ concentration was spent on trying to not cry out in pain at every step. Alexander noticed.

“Do you need to stop?” Alexander whispered to Thomas who shook his head. He had to make sure he didn’t arouse suspicion, that would make everything worse. “Okay. If you do then tell me.”

“When did you get so goddamn thoughtful? When I became a pity case?”

“No. When you decided to listen to me for once.”

Thomas smiled faintly at that.

When they finally sat down it was to a table almost overfull. John Laurens, Hercules Mulligan, James and Lafayette were already sat down and they had to shift to let Thomas and Alexander in.

“Mon ami!” Lafayette exclaimed. “De petit lion was talking to you?”

“I hate that nickname by the way.”

“Yeah. We had a talk.” Thomas closed his eyes and took in a deep breath.

“Are you okay mate?” Hercules asked. Thomas didn’t really know much about Hercules. All he knew was that the boy was tall, hulking, intimidating and sewed dresses for Lafayette in his spare time.

“I’m fine. Tired.” Thomas smiled at Hercules until he nodded and looked away. The table began to strike up a conversation which Thomas was half listening to. He pulled out his phone and bit his lip as he wondered what he should write. He couldn’t accuse his father of anything but if he told his father someone else suspected then everything would go to shit.

It might be better to say nothing, to just go home and face his father’s wrath. Thomas shuddered at that thought. He didn’t want to be hurt again.

“Thomas?” Thomas looked up again as James spoke. James was frowning as he looked at the table in front of Thomas. “Where’s your food?”

“Wasn’t hungry this morning.” Thomas shrugged.

“Thomas-”

“It’s fine James.” Thomas put emphasis on the middle word. James stared at him for a moment before he nodded slowly. John and Hercules seemed to be very uncomfortable while everyone else at the table were sharing secretive glances.

“So…” John glanced around the table. “Who’s up for the Disney marathon this weekend?”

“Oui!”

“We’re not watching that movie.” Hercules glared around the table.

“What movie mon ami?” Lafayette asked innocently.

“You know exactly which fucking movie I’m talking about Laf.”

“Can Thomas come?” Alexander asked. Everyone at the table turned to him. Thomas frowned and Alexander shrugged. “I mean, it is at my house so-”

“Vous êtes l'ami de Thomas?”

“Yeah. I guess we’re friends.” Alexander glanced to Thomas as if begging for backup. Thomas just nodded.

“Since when?” John asked.

“About five minutes ago.” Thomas shifted as he spoke and winced. “I finally listened to his apology.”

“So the apology,” James stared at Thomas, “which I’ve told you to listen to for the last five years made you friends in five minutes?”

“Something like that.”

“Alexander,” James sighed, “you have something truly incredible if you can make Thomas change his mind. I beg you to teach me how.”

 

As school finished Thomas automatically went to James’ car but was stopped by Alexander.

“You’re coming home with me, remember?”

“What if this makes it worse Alexander?” Thomas asked quietly. “What if- what if this will be the end? What if I never go home?”

“Then it’ll be the end. Then you’ll stay with us. You’ll be put into foster care or sent to a relative. You’ll be safe.”

Thomas scoffed at that. “I don’t think-”

“That you could be safe?” Alexander asked softly. Thomas nodded after a moment. “You need to get out Thomas. I’m not going to force you but if you can’t even imagine you being safe then you need to get the hell out.”

“Not yet. I’ll graduate next year. Then-”

“Then what? Unless you get emancipated you’ll still be your father’s son.”

“I always will be.”

“Not legally.”

“It doesn’t matter, okay? Just- just get me home. Wherever.”

“Come on.” Alexander tugged at his hand gently and led him in the direction of Lafayette’s car. Lafayette stared at Thomas as he stepped in but when he was in the Frenchman said nothing.

The drive was quiet and Thomas felt the eyes of the people on him. He didn’t bother saying anything about it. He just leant his head against the window and tried to ignore how his bruises stretched and ached at the sensation.

When Thomas was sat down in the living room he took a deep steadying breath. Lafayette was still staring but Thomas didn’t bother saying anything to him.

“Put your leg up.” Thomas opened an eye to see Alexander pushing a stool closer. He pulled his leg up, having to use his arms to move it.

“Thanks.” Thomas muttered.

“Is there something wrong?” Lafayette asked as he glanced between the two of them. Thomas sighed.

“My leg hurts Laf. It isn’t anything new.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. I’m fine.”

“Okay.” Lafayette didn’t look happy about it but he conceded the argument. Alexander glanced at Thomas who just shook his head. He’d be in enough trouble if his father found out about Alexander knowing anything, let alone Lafayette.

“Thomas, are you going to fall asleep?”

“Probably.” Thomas muttered out. He could feel his eyes closing already and he didn’t want to disturb the bit of peace he finally had.

“Do you-”

“Just wanna stay here.”

“Okay.”

It didn’t take long for him to fall asleep, his mind and body exhausted from what he’d been through. He dreamt of nothing and was glad.

When he finally woke up it was to the front door slamming. He sat up and glanced around in confusion. His eyes landed first on Lafayette who was already halfway out of his seat.

“Mon ami, it is fine. It is simply Washington.”

“I-” Thomas nodded. “Course.”

“Thomas-”

Before Lafayette could say anything else Alexander and Washington strode into the room. Thomas stood. He forced himself to stay standing, despite the pain.

“Sit down son.” Washington cautioned. Thomas glanced at Alexander before he slowly sat.

“Hello sir.”

“You don’t need to call me sir, son. I’m not here as a senator. I should ask you though, what are you doing in my house at half eleven?”

“I-” Thomas glanced around the room in fear before Alexander cut in.

“I invited him over. He can’t go home right now.”

“Really?” Washington frowned at that and Thomas could almost feel the man’s protective side come online. “Why not?”

“My father.” Thomas’ mind was racing. “He doesn’t take this time of year very well. He- he had to stay with my aunt.”

“This time of year?” Washington asked in confusion. Thomas took a deep breath before he could answer.

“My mother’s birthday, sir.”

“I didn’t know you had a mother.” Alexander frowned as the room got somehow more tense.

“I don’t.”

“Oh. I’m-”

“It’s fine. My dad he- he has problems at this time.”

“Do you not?” Washington frowned. “She was your mother as well.”

“I find it better to keep myself occupied sir.”

“So he left you on your own?”

“I’m seventeen sir. I can look after myself. I just forgot my keys. I’m trapped out and I don’t actually have a way to get back in. I think my father would rather not have to replace the keys. Alexander offered to let me stay here so I accepted. I didn’t realise he hadn’t asked you.”

“Well,” Washington glared at Alexander for a moment, “he should have done.”

“I knew you’d be busy.”

“That I was.” Washington sighed. “Thomas, you are welcome to stay as long as you want. If you do miraculously find your house keys,” Washington met Thomas with an even stare and he felt his heart skip a beat, “then you can stay here until your father returns.”

“Thank you sir.”

“Alexander, Lafayette, I would stay but I have to be awake in six hours. Make sure Thomas is well looked after.”

“Okay dad.” Lafayette called out at Washington’s retreating back. Thomas smiled and let out a deep breath.

“So, I’m guessing you’re not letting me stay on the sofa all night?”

“Non mon ami,” Lafayette was watching Thomas oddly which Thomas didn’t like, “follow. I shall show.” Lafayette bounded to his feet.

“You’ll have to slow down.” Thomas sighed as he stood again. He leant heavily on his cane and ignored the aches all along his body.

“Que?”

“My leg’s busted right now Laf.” Thomas took several painful steps before he came level with Lafayette.

“Is there a reason?” Lafayette asked as they began slowly walking up the stairs. Thomas shrugged.

“It’s always a bit busted Laf. Most days there doesn’t have to be a reason.”

“Is there?”

“What are you asking me Laf?” Thomas snapped. Lafayette stared at him.

“Is your father hurting you?”

“Why?”

“Because you have either lied to me or Washington. You don’t lie Thomas! You might twist the truth or make falsehoods but you do not lie!” Lafayette hissed his words and Thomas looked away.

“Laf-”

“Explain!” Lafayette took a step forwards and Thomas gasped. He didn’t know why, he couldn’t explain it, but somehow in that moment Lafayette looked far taller.

And far more aggressive.

Thomas felt his leg give out from under him and he cursed. Lafayette was there in a moment, cursing in French.

“I did not mean that mon ami! I-”

“It’s okay Laf.” Thomas struggled to his feet. “Didn’t mean anything.”

“Thomas that was not normal-”

“Don’t.” Thomas’ voice was hard. “Don’t try to talk to me right now Lafayette. My fucking leg gave out from underneath me and all I want to do is sleep. Don’t try to fucking lecture me now.”

“Je suis desole mon ami.”

“Okay.”

Lafayette led Thomas to the spare room then directed him to the bathroom. Lafayette then vanished for a bit and reappeared with a pair of pyjamas and a fresh set of clothes.

“What’re they for?”

“If you are to enter school tomorrow you must be dressed properly.”

“Laf, we’re totally different sizes.”

“Mon ami, only in your head.”

“I’m taller than you!”

Lafayette’s face didn’t help Thomas’ confidence about perusing that argument.

 

When the weekend rolled around Thomas was feeling better. It didn’t hurt to breath anymore and some of the worst cuts had closed over nicely. He didn’t think about if they’d scar, he was far past caring about that. If someone was willing to get past the crippled leg then they probably wouldn’t mind a few scars.

Thomas didn’t think too hard about the cuts on his leg where part of the cane had ripped open the skin.

It helped in some weird way to be surrounded by a functioning family. Thomas thought that it would have made him hate the Washingtons, hate what they had and he could never have. Instead it made him long for it. He wanted to go home to a family, not whatever he and his father had. That wasn’t the kind of family Thomas wanted.

Saturday morning started with the door swinging open. Thomas was bolt upright in a moment He heard shouts and he grabbed for his cane. He limped to the hallway and paused as he tried to discern who it was. He relaxed after a moment as he recognised John and Hercules’ voice. He returned to his room and pulled on some clothes before making the trek down the stairs.

When he entered the kitchen John paused.

“Thomas?”

“Yeah?” Thomas took a seat and leant his cane against his leg. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust the two, he just didn’t want to test that trust.

“You’re-” John glanced to Alexander in confusion.

“I’m staying here for a bit. Not too long don’t worry.” Thomas glanced around the kitchen trying to work out what food he could get with the minimal amount of effort.

“I didn’t know. Why didn’t Alexander tell us?”

“I have no idea. He seems to tell everyone everything else.” Thomas rose slowly and made his way to the cereal.

“I don’t say everything.” Alexander said grumpily as he entered the room.

“Do you really want to get into the Reynolds affair?” Thomas asked snidely. Alexander looked away at that and Thomas grinned. “Subtlety has never been your strong point darling.”

“Darling?” John smirked. Alexander glared at him. “Something between you?”

“Right now? Deep seated hatred and a table. What do you think Alexander?”

“I think you’re an ass.”

Thomas shrugged. Staying with the teen for several days had done nothing to stop their sniping but it had somewhat tempered it.

“Love you too. John, not that I don’t adore your company-”

“Before this week we hadn’t ever had a full conversation.”

“While I do adore your company is there a reason for you and Hercules to be here?”

“Movie marathon.” Alexander supplied. Thomas stared at him for a moment.

“Movie night.”

“Nuh uh.” John shook his head. “Marathon. You don’t start a marathon at night.”

“How long will this take?”

Neither of them answered. Thomas groaned.

 

It turned out it wasn’t that bad. Hercules had good taste in films and seemed to have a monopoly on choosing which film to pick. Halfway through the third film Thomas’ phone buzzed. He picked it up and frowned.

**From: Dad**

**Where the fuck are you?**

**To: Dad**

**I’m at a friend’s house**

**From: Dad**

**Which friend?**

**To: Dad**

**Alexander Hamilton**

**From: Dad**

**The immigrant you always talk shit about?**

**To: Dad**

**I had a change of heart**

**From: Dad**

**Don’t bother coming home tonight. Don’t want to see your fucking face**

Thomas stared down at the phone before pocketing it again. He looked up to see Alexander staring at him.

“Is something wrong?”

“No.”

“Are you sure?”

Thomas rolled his eyes at that.

“You do realise I’m not a child Alexander. If something is wrong then I can deal with it on my own.”

“Don’t have to.”

“I-” Thomas took a deep breath. The room was staring at the two of them and Thomas didn’t want to say anything more. “There’s nothing. Now can we just go back to watching this?”

“Okay.” Alexander turned back to the TV but Thomas could feel the glances he shot every so often.

 

Living with the Washingtons was heavenly. There were the big changes, like how they didn’t beat him or come home drunk but there were also the smaller things like talking to him as if he wasn’t an idiot.

Thomas knew it had to end. Washington was beginning to watch him carefully and ask questions. The questions were never outright asking if he was being abused but they were fairly obvious. He’d ask how long Thomas’ father would be gone for, how often he vanished and how he dealt with his wife’s death.

Every time Thomas just managed to steer the conversation away but it was difficult to keep up. When he’d stayed with the Washingtons for a week he knew that he had to go home. He approached Alexander just before school started.

“You’re going home?” Alexander was staring at him as if he’d grown an extra head.

“I can’t live here forever.”

“Yes you can! He-”

“He is my father Alexander. Washington isn’t. Staying here was- it was good. But it’s not my home. My home is with my father.”

“What if he beats you?”

“Then he will do it as he sees fit.”

“This wasn’t as he fucking saw fit Thomas! This isn’t corporal punishment, it’s abuse!”

“Keep your damn voice down, okay?” Thomas hissed as he looked around. Alexander glared back at him.

“What if he doesn’t stop?”

“He will.”

“You thought-”

“Obviously I was wrong. He has never done it before.”

“You mean he’s never killed you before?” Alexander sneered. Thomas glared at him.

“Shut up Alexander.”

“Think this through!” Alexander grabbed Thomas’ arm and Thomas stared down at it.

“Get the hell off me.” Thomas hissed. Alexander removed his hand slowly. “Don’t try to stop me Alexander.”

“Thomas-”

“I’m going home Alexander. I’m going back to my family. Don’t try to stop me just because I still have one.” Thomas turned on his heel and hobbled out of the room. He didn’t let himself feel guilty about the look on Alexander’s face.

 

Thomas wouldn’t admit it but he missed Alexander that day. He’d got used to his blabbering and there was something supremely comforting about having someone who knew what was happening.

“So, you’re going home today?” James asked cautiously.

“You do it every day. It’s hardly a new thing.”

“You spent a week at Washington’s.”

“Well spotted James. I’m glad that my best friend noticed that.”

“Why did you do it though?”

“What do you mean?”

“He is doing it, isn’t he?”

“James-”

“No! Thomas!” James leant forwards. “You told me that if it ever happened again you’d tell me! You promised me!”

“It’s not what you think.”

“Really? Thomas look me in the eye and tell me that your father isn’t abusing you.”

Thomas looked away.

“Thomas…” James looked sick and he pushed his lunch away. “Who have you told?”

“Alexander.”

“Why him?”

“It’s complicated.”

“Come to my house today Thomas. Please. Don’t go home.”

“Because that’s going to work.” Thomas scoffed. “I can’t couch surf for the next year. It’s not going to be a problem.” James was quiet for a long moment after that.

“This isn’t a new thing.”

“What?”

“It wasn’t a one off.” James stared at him in horror. “This has been happening for a while. Oh my God Thomas! Why didn’t you tell me?”

“James-”

“Thomas!” Thomas glanced around as several tables looked up. Alexander’s table was staring at Thomas.

“Keep your voice down.”

“You’ve been hurt for years and you never told me?”

“I’ve been hurt for years and you never fucking noticed.” Thomas spat the words out and he saw the hurt on James’ face. He ignored it. “Not once. Not when I was bruised black and blue or if I was bleeding. You ignored it all because you didn’t want to think about it. You knew it and you ignored it because it was easier for you. Don’t fucking try to turn this on me.”

“Thomas-”

“I’m not hungry.” Thomas stood and left his lunch at the table with James staring after him. He felt eyes on his back but he ignored them. He raised his chin and strode out the door.

 

When school was over, all strength and pride seemed to drain from Thomas. He knew there was no way he was getting a lift from James or Lafayette. He’d have to walk.

His leg had got better over the week of relaxation it had had but it still hurt, both from the original injury and the beating. The walk was long and painful. By the time it was over Thomas was out of breath and his leg was beginning to shake. He let himself into the house and let his bag fall to the floor.

“Thomas.”

Thomas felt his blood run cold as he heard his father calling him. He took a deep breath before he walked into the kitchen. Once more bottles surrounded his father. Thomas felt a sense of almost déjà vu as he stood in front of his father.

“Dad.”

“Where the fuck have you been?”

“I stayed at Alexander’s house sir.”

“Why?”

“I thought you might want time without me.”

“You’re not wrong there.” The man stood and strode to Thomas who forced himself to stand his ground. “You weren’t here for your mother’s birthday.” Thomas sucked in a breath.

“I-”

“Is she not good enough?”

“Sir I didn’t-”

“Isn’t she?” The man was inches from Thomas and he forced his heart to slow down.

“She is sir. I- I-”

“What the fuck takes precedence over her?”

“I just wanted-”

“You were hanging out with freaks while I was mourning! Give me a fucking reason!”

“I wanted company.” Thomas instantly realised it was the wrong answer as his father punched him in the jaw. Thomas stumbled to the side.

“You wanted to be in their company? Are you a freak too?”

“No sir.” Thomas choked out.

“You want to fuck them, don’t you?”

“Sir I-”

“Don’t you?” The man screamed it as he kicked out Thomas’ legs. He then aimed a kick at Thomas’ gut and he curled in on himself. “I asked you a question!”

“No sir.” Thomas coughed out. “I don’t-” Thomas slowly dragged himself upright. “They’re friends that’s all.”

“I’ve told you I don’t want you to hang around with them. What if they spread it to you?”

“What?” Thomas’ brain didn’t work for a moment.

“If they turn you gay.”

Thomas wanted to laugh at that.

“You don’t turn gay.” Thomas whispered instead. His father’s face darkened.

“What the fuck did you just say?”

“Y-you don’t turn gay, sir.” Thomas looked down and so missed the punch his father threw. It connected with his temple and threw him to the ground.

“Don’t fucking correct me!”

Thomas sucked in deep breaths as his father aimed kick after kick at his body.

“You think you’re so fucking smart! You killed them! You killed her!” Thomas curled further in on himself but before he knew it there was a tugging in his hair and his father pulled him up. Thomas leant his upper body against the counter. He realised blood was dripping down his chin from his mouth. Some part of his brain realised how difficult it was going to be to hide that. “You killed her!”

“I know.” Thomas said quietly. His father punched him again and Thomas groaned.

“YOU RUINED MY LIFE!” Thomas was bodily thrown to the floor. He landed and slid a few feet until he met the table. Several of the bottles fell from the table onto the floor and shattered around him. He cried out in pain but then his father was on top of him, punching at every inch he could see.

“IF YOU WERE DEAD SHE’D BE HERE! YOU DON’T FUCKING DESERVE TO LIVE!”

Thomas wasn’t even sure what happened after that. All he knew was that at some point his eyes slid closed and darkness overtook him.


	2. Chapter Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who has no self control? (It me.)  
> I do wanna thank everyone for the response, this was apparently really well received? Which is good because I am stubborn as hell and I've now kinda fallen in love with the idea of Jefferson needing a cane so... that's probs gonna stick.

When Thomas’ eyes did finally open he could see the window and the mid-morning sun shining through. Thomas blinked blearily before trying to move. He whimpered and collapsed back down as pain flared across his body. He looked down at his leg and saw the boot shaped bruises. His chin began to shake. He wasn’t going to be able to walk. His cane was the other end of the room and he could barely move.

He’d been unconscious for hours and his entire body was still agonisingly painful. All Thomas wanted to do was sleep but he knew he couldn’t. He raised a shaking hand to his face and felt the crusted blood and the aches that would surely transform into bruises. His father hadn’t cared about how obvious it was.

He didn’t care about hiding the abuse.

Thomas felt tears begin to stream down his face. This was the point he’d always promised himself would be the final point. If his father didn’t care what he looked like then he could do anything.

He pushed a shaking hand into his pocket and pulled out his phone. The screen was intact and he let out a half choked laugh. The phone was more durable than he was. It was a first. Thomas punched in a number and waited as it rang.

“Thomas?”

“Alexander?”

“Why aren’t you in school?”

“He hurt me.” Thomas’ voice was quiet and he could hear how it wavered but he couldn’t force either to change.

“Badly?”

“Yeah.” Thomas whimpered after that. He let his head fall to the floor and pulled the phone with him.

“Do you-”

“Come get me. Please.”

“Give me five minutes.”

Thomas could hear Alexander shuffling something in the background but he didn’t bother paying much more attention to the background.

“Didn’t think he’d do it.” Thomas whispered. “Not like this.”

“It’s gonna be okay. Don’t think about any of that. Look, I’ve gotta hang up, okay?”

“Yeah. Tha-that’s okay.”

Thomas hung up and let the phone fall to the floor. He fought against the urge to close his eyes. He had to stay awake. There was something about staying awake after trauma to the head but he didn’t remember why. He couldn’t be bothered to think why.

All he could think about was the pain coursing through his body. You’d think that after all the years of his leg he’d get used to it but he wasn’t. The tears didn’t stop and his breath began to choke on itself. He had just got it under control again when the door opened. He whimpered slightly before he heard Lafayette’s voice.

“Thomas! Thomas!”

“Here.” Thomas croaked out. He wasn’t sure if it was loud enough. Alexander entered the kitchen and glanced around before he spotted Thomas on the floor.

“Holy shit! He’s in here!” Alexander stepped closer to Thomas who just smiled weakly.

“Thought you’d seen it all before.”

“Thomas!” James stared at Thomas in horror before he walked forwards.

“Careful.” Thomas held his hand up, as if to ward them back. James and Alexander paused. “Glass.”

“Okay. Okay.” James took a deep breath before he strode to the cabinets and wrenched them open. He grabbed tea towels and threw them onto the floor around Thomas. He then kneeled next to Thomas. “What happened to you?”

“Fucked up.” Thomas could see the emotions playing across James’ face at that. “Can we leave? I-”

“Can you walk?” Lafayette asked from the back of the room. Thomas shook his head.

“Hurts too bad.” Thomas nodded to his leg and James stared at it. Thomas had known James for a long time. He had never seen the fury on his face. James had to force himself to take a deep breath before he turned back to Thomas.

“I can carry you mon ami.”

“That’d be good Laf.” Alexander muttered quietly. “Thomas do you know where your dad is?”

“Dunno.” Thomas felt his eyes slip closed and forced them open again. “Blacked out.”

“Come, mon ami.” Lafayette leant down to Thomas and carefully gathered him in his arms. Thomas whimpered as his body was forced to move. Lafayette paused but Thomas just shook his head.

“If you stop every time I’m in pain we’re not going to get anywhere.”

“Mon ami-”

“Please don’t.” Thomas whispered. Lafayette nodded and began to walk slowly to the front door. Thomas let his head rest against Lafayette’s chest. He could feel Lafayette’s heartbeat and the warmth the other boy gave off. It was comforting, despite the pain he was in.

“You shall be safe now.” Lafayette whispered. He gently placed Thomas in the car and did the seatbelt up for him. Thomas smiled before he leant his head back against the headrest.

“Thank you.” Thomas watched as Lafayette sat in the driver’s seat. Alexander and James walked out of the house. Alexander was holding Thomas’ bag and James had his cane. Alexander sat next to Lafayette without a word while James sat next to Thomas.

“Thought you might want it.” James muttered. Thomas stared at the cane before he reached for it. It wasn’t fit for his size and wasn’t garishly purple but it worked. “Thomas, what’s that?” James pointed out the deep crack in the cane, emanating from the dent.

“James-”

“Maybe this isn’t the time.” Alexander said quietly. James nodded.

“It’s from where he missed me.” Thomas replied softly. James looked away and had to take a long, deep breath before turning back.

“What?”

“H- he beat me with it.” Thomas closed his eyes again. Everyone in the car was staring at him, even Lafayette to the worry of everyone else. “Got bad aim when he’s drunk.” Thomas smiled, as if it was a joke, as if any of it was funny, as if he hadn’t nearly been killed by his father. He blinked back the tears.

“How often is he drunk?” Lafayette asked softly.

“Dunno. A lot.”

“Does he usually beat you with a cane?”

“No. Normally he just takes it. Doesn’t like that I need it.”

“What happened to the last one?”

Thomas felt his chin begin to wobble at that and tears form in his eyes. He let out a sob and Lafayette stopped the car. James inched forwards and pulled Thomas into a gentle hug. Thomas moved into it.

“I didn’t break my cane.” Thomas sobbed. James frowned. “H-he broke it.”

“Oh Thomas-”

“I didn’t want him to but-” Thomas broke off into more sobs and James just pulled him close. “I couldn’t do anything! I tried to stop him but he just- he-” Thomas’s words became indistinguishable as he began to sob.

“It’s okay Thomas.” James glanced to the two in the front who just shrugged. “You’re safe now.”

“Don’t want him to be in trouble.” Thomas whispered. “Don’t- don’t wanna lose my family.”

“Okay. Th-that’s okay.” James didn’t agree with it but it was so difficult to say anything that would hurt this already broken Thomas. “We can talk about that later.”

“I don’t want any of this James.” Thomas curled slightly into James. “It was my fault. It should have been me.”

“What do you mean?”

“I should have died.” Thomas was almost silent and James barely heard it. “I should be dead James.”

“No, no you shouldn’t.” James sighed.

“I wish I was.”

“Oh God no. Thomas-” James pulled back slightly and stared at his friend. Thomas looked back from beneath swollen eyes and a bloodied face. “It wasn’t your fault. It was an accident. A stupid accident that should never have happened. You didn’t do anything. It’s not your fault. It could never be your fault, okay?”

“James-”

“I’m serious Thomas. I know it’s so difficult but it’s true. No part of it was your fault. Just because you survived it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t’ve. You survived out of luck and I’m so happy you did.” Thomas sniffed gently and nodded mutely. “Come on, we’re going to Washingtons. He can help. I’m guessing a hospital is out of the question.”

“Yeah.”

“Okay. Come on.”

Lafayette started the car again but James didn’t budge from his spot with his arms wrapped around Thomas.

When they got to the house James was the one to carry Thomas to the door. Thomas wanted to argue that he was fine but one look from James made him stop.

James laid him carefully on one of the sofas and Thomas smiled at him in thanks. Alexander walked in the room, already on the phone.

“I need you to come home okay? You know I wouldn’t ask if it wasn’t urgent!” There was a pause. “That was one time! Please sir. Something’s happened. Yes okay, it has to do with that.”

“Washington?” Thomas asked Lafayette who nodded.

“De petit lion will change my father’s mind. He is persuasive.”

“That’s one word for it.” Thomas took several deep breaths.

“Thomas, don’t you have any pain meds?” James was pacing. He wanted to do something. Thomas almost felt bad for him.

“No.”

“Where are they?”

“My dad took them.”

“Why?”

“Dunno.” Thomas replied after a moment of trying to work out a witty response.

“We’ll get you some. Or- or something.”

“You’re gonna give yourself an aneurysm. Sit down.”

“I- I can’t just sit down Thomas! I should have spotted this!”

“I hid it.”

“We should have seen it mon ami.” Lafayette’s voice was soft and Thomas shook his head.

“I hid it. Didn’t let anyone know.”

“And yet Alexander saw within a day. Petit lion is good but-”

“I’ve told you I hate that nickname. Washington should be here in a few minutes. He won’t ask too many questions.”

“Thanks.” Thomas croaked out. “Alexander figured it out five years ago.”

“What?” James asked in confusion, staring at Alexander. “The first time it happened?”

“Yeah.” Alexander shrugged.

“Mon ami, you had only been here a week.”

“I’d just spent months seeing it happen in front of me. I saw Thomas with the same symptoms and guessed it was abuse. Which is why…” Alexander trailed off.

“You stole his cane?” James asked. Alexander nodded.

“I thought it was just something he was using to hide the abuse.”

“Mon ami, you are an idiot.”

“Laf, I didn’t know him! I-”

“In his defence I did put him in hospital.”

“You broke my arm. There’s a difference. Anyway, I’m pretty sure you only did that as you fell over.”

“You’re a dick.” Thomas muttered out. “Wasn’t used to being without the damn thing.”

“I’ve already apologised.”

Thomas smiled and closed his eyes. The conversation in the room continued but it faded into white noise. Thomas felt like he was floating somehow as pain throbbed through his body. He knew there was nothing seriously wrong but it hurt so badly.

“Thomas.” Thomas’ eyes snapped open to see Washington standing over him. Thomas’ breathing sped up and he tried to move backwards. Washington took a step back and raised his hands in a placating gesture. “It’s alright son.”

Thomas glanced around the room to see the other three teens staring at him. He took in a deep breath before he nodded.

“Mr Washington.” He rasped out. Washington frowned.

“Do you want to tell me what happened?”

“Not really.” Thomas tried to laugh but it caught in his ribs and he wheezed instead. James took a step forwards before pausing.

“Come on Thomas, you gotta tell him.”

“I got hurt. Don’t wanna go to the hospital. Called Alexander who got the other two.”

“I can’t drive.” Alexander explained. He was watching Washington and Thomas with a strange look on his face.

“Brought me here.”

“That’s good. Do you know who hurt you?”

“Yeah.”

“Will you tell me?”

“My dad.” Thomas closed his eyes so he didn’t need to see Washington’s pity.

“Is this the first time he’s done this?”

“No.”

“How many times?”

“I can’t count it.” Thomas opened his eyes to stare straight at Washington. “I don’t want him to go to jail.”

“Why not?”

“I deserved this.”

There was a pause before Lafayette stood and left the room. Thomas frowned after him and looked around. James looked sick while Alexander just looked sad. As Thomas looked at Washington he realised he should never play poker against this man. Thomas would have no way of winning. His face was as blank as a mountain.

“Why do you think that?”

“You know about the accident.”

“I do.”

“That’s why.” Thomas shrugged. “It was my fault.”

“Fucking hell it wasn’t!” James shouted. Thomas turned to him with a frown. James didn’t swear much. “You were a kid Thomas!”

“You weren’t there James. It-”

“Thomas,” Washington’s voice cut Thomas off, “do you think it would be sensible for James to be beaten for something he did years ago?”

“He didn’t kill his family.”

“If he did?”

“Don’t try to make me see a different logic in this. I deserve this.”

“Son, I do not believe that for a second. I do not think that you deserve anything that your father has done to you. I think that you are injured and that you need medical attention.”

“Don’t want a hospital.”

“I advise against that.”

“He’s not going to change his mind sir.” Alexander stared at Thomas who returned the gaze. “Martha can deal with most of it, right?”

“Alexander-”

“Please. He- he needs help okay? Thomas Jefferson is asking for help and if you spent two minutes in his company you’d see how rare that is.”

Thomas choked out a laugh at that. “Charming.”

“I’ll call Martha. You two keep an eye on him.”

“Thomas-”James sighed and sat down. “I should have noticed this so much sooner. This- that wasn’t your fault!”

“If I wasn’t here then my family would be. It- it’s maths James.”

“You’re pretty shit at maths aren’t you?” Alexander sat down as well, staring at Thomas.

“What do you mean?”

“One plus one is two but one times one isn’t. Two plus two is four and two times two is four. The answers aren’t the same just because of the situation. If you times i by itself then it becomes real. If you times it by any real number it doesn’t. Pi times any number other than zero is still irrational.”

“What’s the point of this rant?”

“People like to say that maths is simple but it’s not. Life is even worse. A life for a life isn’t an even deal. It’s not okay to say your life is forfeit just because someone else died. Just because your family died doesn’t mean you deserve to die as well.”

“And you chose to say that with maths?”

“Yeah.” Alexander stared at Thomas with his chin high. Thomas smiled.

“You’re one of a kind.”

“Statistically-”

“Please don’t.” James cut in. “Just- please don’t.”

“Jemmy doesn’t like maths.” Thomas shifted slightly and hissed.

“Or that name. Are you okay?”

“What would you want me to call you?”

“My name?”

“Too easy. Too boring.” Thomas put a hand to his leg and shifted it slightly. Alexander watched. “It’s considered rude to stare.”

“It’s considered rude to call someone out on the fact that they’re an orphan.” Thomas winced at that.

“That was out of line. What I said to you James was as well.”

“Why did you do it? That’s what I don’t get.”

“I thought it would be better like this. If I- if my dad gets his frustration out then maybe-” Thomas didn’t want to finish, didn’t want to admit that he wanted his father to love him. It sounded pathetic even to his ears. “Where’d Laf go?”

“He’s really torn up about what happened to you.” Alexander sighed. “You’ve been friends for a long time and he doesn’t cope well with violence.”

“Can you go talk to him please. I don’t want him to be scared.”

“Yeah. I’ll go get him.” Alexander smiled and stood. He left James and Thomas alone in the room.

“I wanna go to sleep James.” Thomas whispered.

“Okay.”

“What if-”

“Nothing’ll happen. I’ll be here Thomas. I promise.”

“Thank you.”

 

When Martha came in Thomas was gently shaken awake. He blinked blearily before he saw Martha.

“I’d shake your hand but I think I’m too far down.”

“Are you okay with me examining you in here?” Thomas nodded. “I want everyone else out then.”

“You okay with that?” James asked. Thomas just nodded again. He didn’t want anyone to see this. When everyone else had filed out Martha closed the windows and turned the lights on.

“Can you stand, dear?”

“Not really.”

“Why not?”

“I think my leg might be broken. Anyway, it’s pretty fucked up.”

“Why is it normally fucked up?” Thomas laughed at the word.

“Scar tissue. Muscle atrophy. I dunno. Was in a car crash a few years back.”

“Okay.” Martha gently prodded at the leg through the trouser leg and Thomas hissed. “I don’t think that it’s broken but I would suggest you try not to put any weight onto it for a day or so. After that still minimal for a week or two.”

“So, operate like normal?”

“Does your leg normally give you a lot of pain?”

“Yeah. It’s chronic so…” Thomas shrugged.

“I would have thought you’d be given painkillers to stop that.”

“I was. I don’t have them anymore.”

“Okay. Well when I go back to work I’ll see if you’re in the system. If you are then I can look your prescriptions over.”

“That’d be nice.”

“Are you feeling dizzy or nauseous?”

“Yeah. Before you ask I did hit my head.”

“That sounds like a concussion.”

“Guessed that.”

“I’ll bring you some ice in a moment but you’ll have to ride out most of the symptoms on your own. There are a few you should be on the lookout for but as they haven’t shown themselves I doubt they will.”

“That’s good.”

“Can you please take off your shirt now?”

Thomas groaned but nodded. He sat up and tugged at it slowly until the bruises along his chest were more visible. Martha’s face paled as he revealed more and more of the bruises and cuts.

“What are the cuts on your face from?”

“Bottles fell on me.”

“Well,” Martha turned back to look at Thomas’ chest, “he did a real number on you.”

“Noticed.”

Martha began to touch the bruises and Thomas hissed in pain accordingly.

“I think you may have broken a few ribs but there’s not really any treatment for that apart from rest.”

“So basically I don’t move?”

“Lafayette would be ecstatic if I told him he had to do that.”

“I’m not exactly Laf. I’m much taller.”

“Are there any injuries on your back?”

“Yeah.”

“I need to see those.”

Thomas nodded before he slowly shifted himself until his back was at least partially facing Martha. He almost felt good when Martha stifled a gasp at the state of his leg. Some of them were obviously from his cane, long dark marks lying horizontally across his back. Thomas could see Martha working it out.

“When did this happen? The cuts I mean.”

“Week ago?”

“The day before you came into our house?”

“Yeah.”

“You should have come here sooner.”

Thomas didn’t have anything to say to that. Martha continued to lightly touch the injuries as she decided that most of the cuts on his back wouldn’t need any stitches. The next step were the cuts all the way along the right side of his face where the bottles had fallen.

“It doesn’t look like there’s any glass but there are several which are very deep. I’m going to put something over them to hold the skin together so it can heal more easily.”

“Will it scar?”

“I don’t know.”

Thomas scoffed at that. “Got enough fucking scars already.”

“George said you were on the fence about reporting this.”

“I’m not on the fence. I’m not going to report it.”

“Why not?”

“Because he’s my father. I don’t want him to go to jail.”

“He’d only go to jail if he’d broken a law of the country. Corporal punishment is not a crime. He would only be sentenced if he was abusing you Thomas.”

“A judge wouldn’t see it like that.” Thomas closed his eyes and leaned back.

“Well, I think you should think about it.” Martha stood. “I’m needed back at the hospital. None of your injuries can be healed with anything other than rest. I cannot force you but I do ask you to seriously consider spending that time here.”

“I don’t think I have a choice ma’am.”

“Well, I’ll send the others back in.”

Thomas tried to ignore how sad she looked as she left the room.

 

Thomas stayed on the sofa until it was night. He then stood shakily. Lafayette was there in a moment, his cane in his hand. Thomas nodded and gripped it tightly.

“Do you wish help mon ami?”

“Gotta do it myself first Laf! What kinda person would I be if I didn’t?” Thomas smirked as he took a step forwards. Instantly the smile was gone and he whimpered in pain.

“Please mon ami.”

“Yeah okay.” Thomas was already out of breath, not a good sign. Lafayette looped an arm around the back of Thomas and supported him as they walked up the stairs. Thomas collapsed onto his bed and groaned weakly.

“Are you okay Thomas?”

“Yeah.”

“Truly?”

“Yeah Laf. I’ve survived this long. It’s just a setback.”

“Mon ami.” Lafayette sat on the bed next to Thomas. “This is not okay, you understand that, non?”

“It’s complicated Laf.”

“Please,” Lafayette’s voice was soft, “please do not tell me you believe you deserve this.”

“It’s complicated Laf.”

“Thomas-”

“Please. I- I know it doesn’t make sense to you or anyone else. It’s-”

“It is self-flagellation for a crime you did not commit.”

“Laf-”

“I have heard what happened and it was never your fault.”

“I know but-” Thomas sighed. “I wanna sleep Laf.”

“Okay. We shall talk more of this mon ami.”

Thomas sighed. He didn’t doubt it.

 

Alexander was there where Thomas woke up. Thomas didn’t know why he was so surprised. Alexander didn’t seem to pick up on subtle things like personal space.

“Well hello Alexander, so good to see you first thing in the morning.”

“Here.” Alexander chucked a box to Thomas who fumbled it. He hissed gently as his body moved around the bruises that seemed to cover his body. Alexander looked guilty for a moment.

“What is it?”

“Your pills. You’re meant to take two.”

“Painkillers?”

“Yeah.”

Thomas threw two into his mouth and forced them down.

“When did your dad start taking them away?”

“Maybe a year after it happened?” Thomas shrugged as he sat up. “My dad got mad and-”

“Why do I think that’s how most of your stories start?”

“At least the beginning of my story is interesting. At least I didn’t just turn up one day with no explanation.”

“I did have a life before this place.”

“And yet I have no proof.” Thomas smirked at Alexander before his smile dropped. “How are Laf and James?”

“They’re scared and confused.” Alexander plopped down onto Thomas’ bed despite the glare Thomas sent him. “They’re not going to be happy until you explain why you think it’s your fault.”

“I don’t-”

“Tell me. I won’t judge you. I’ve probably seen worse. I know guilt Thomas. I know what it feels like to be guilty about your family’s death.”

“What?”

“Long story.”

“I wanna hear it.”

“My father left when I was young. Very young. I spent so much time wondering why he’d abandon me and my family. I spent too much time on it. One day my mama got sick and she never got better. I kept on running it through in my head. What if I’d been more focused on her? What if I’d asked her how she was feeling? What if- there are a thousand what ifs but- there’s no point. She’s dead and I’m not.”

“I didn’t know. I-”

“Don’t talk about it a lot.” Alexander shrugged. “Happened a long time ago but still difficult.”

“It was a car crash.” Thomas offered in response. Alexander looked up. “My mother was driving. My four siblings were in the car. I- I was the only one who got out.”

“Where was your dad?”

“I- I don’t know. Most of it’s fuzzy.  I got some kind of post traumatic amnesia. Most of the stuff I know if from nightmares. I remember my siblings. They- I remember talking to Veronica. She was- she had taken my pen?” Thomas scoffed. “It was so stupid. I was yelling at her and then-” Thomas shrugged. “I woke up in a hospital weeks later and my leg was a mess. It got caught while they were cutting me out or something.”

“Which is why it hurts?”

“Yeah. Don’t remember what it was. My muscle got fucked up and my bone and- it’s chronic pain. None of my family made it past the first day. I didn’t go to their funerals. My dad didn’t visit me a lot, he was mourning and it hurt to see me. Reminded him of Billy.”

“Your brother?”

“Yeah. Oldest kid.”

“What happened when you did get home?”

“Spent a few days getting used to the cane. I had a nightmare. I- I don’t think it’s real but-” Thomas shuddered as he remembered blood spraying across his face. “It scared me. I went to my dad’s room and wanted to just- to just talk to him.”

“And he hit you?”

“Yeah. I said something about mom and he yelled before he started slapping me about. It- James told me I should go to the hospital but I refused. The next fucking day you took my cane.”

“I shouldn’t’ve done that.”

“You were right at least.”

“I guess I was.” Alexander smiled and Thomas glared at him.

“Don’t get used to it.”

“All of that story, none of it means you’re at fault. None of it sounded even a bit like it. So maybe you were loud but that wouldn’t have made her lose control enough for all of your family to die.”

“I-” Thomas shook his head. “I _am_ at fault.”

“No you’re not. And that’s so much worse.”

“What?”

“Look,” Alexander bit his lip, trying to find words, “the world sucks. You know that. But it- you think it sucks because it rains when you’re reading a book. It sucks because you can’t pick up glasses without smearing them. When something big happens it- it’s a lot more difficult to blame the world. Some people blame God at that point but it’s easier to blame a person. If someone hadn’t done something then maybe your life would be okay. If- if you were to blame then there’d be a point.”

“What?”

“If it was someone’s fault then it’s easier. If it’s not just-” Alexander shrugged, “dumb stupid luck, then it’s better. As long as you- you have something. When you have something to blame then you can hate it. It doesn’t matter if it’s actually at fault you can just say that it is.”

“I don’t understand what-”

“No you don’t. Not yet. Just let me finish.” Alexander took a deep breath. “If it’s your fault then you can change what you did. If it was your fault then you can blame something real. If it’s not your fault then you couldn’t have changed it. You can’t stop it happening again. If it was the rain or something stupid then it will happen again. Maybe not to you but to someone. As long as you blame yourself you lie to yourself. You didn’t do anything Thomas. You don’t get to blame yourself and ignore everything just because you feel like it. Your family died because of a dumb mistake. You can’t take that back because it’s not your fault. The world fucking sucks and you just got a reminder. Nothing happens for a fucking reason. Chance happens and it screws up lives and when you want to see what’s at fault there’s nothing. You can’t just hope for one to make yourself feel better. You escaped death Thomas. You escaped hell but you’ve never let yourself leave. You’ve gotta understand that as long as you blame yourself you won’t move on.”

“I-” Thomas felt tears in his eyes. He didn’t know why. He swiped them away angrily. “That’s not-”

“Did you want to hurt them? Did you want them to die?”

“No!” Thomas’ voice cracked slightly and Alexander shrugged.

“Then you didn’t hurt them Thomas. Stupid fucking luck and chance did. Your dad isn’t right in hitting you because he can’t understand that.”

“I- I don’t want to talk about this.”

“You have to. You can’t ignore it.” Alexander shifted closer to Thomas. “If you blame yourself your father can even easier.”

“I don’t want to be hurt.” Thomas whispered. “I- even if I did it. I- I don’t want it to be like this.”

“Okay.” Alexander pulled Thomas into a hug. “You don’t have to. It wasn’t your fault Thomas and you’ll figure that out eventually. For right now we’ll get you out of there.”

“Thank you.”

“It’s breakfast time.” Alexander disentangled himself and smiled. “Come on.” Alexander stood but before he could leave Thomas grabbed for his hand. Alexander looked down. “Do you-”

Thomas dropped the hand. He didn’t know why he’d done that. Alexander stared at him with a curious face for a moment before he left the room.

As Thomas sat at the breakfast table he talked to the Washingtons as much as he could. It was difficult, especially with the pain. As time passed he found himself sit straighter and when he stood he paused.

“Something wrong?” Alexander asked. Thomas just shook his head numbly.

“Just- I forgot how good it was without pain.”

“What?”

“The meds.” Thomas shrugged. “It- they’re working.”

“Well that’s good.”

“Yeah.” Thomas muttered. He saw Lafayette staring mournfully at him and sighed as he sat back down.

“Washington, sir.”

“Yes Thomas?”

“I think, no I- I do. I want to press charges against my father. I want emancipation and I- I want to get out.” Thomas didn’t break his gaze from Washington’s. “I want you to help me.”

“I can do that for you son.” Washington stood and stared at Thomas, as if evaluating him. “If you want to come with me now then we can go to the police station and file the complaint.”

“Okay.” Thomas pushed himself to his feet and both Lafayette and Alexander stood with him.

“Can we come with him mon pere?”

“It is Thomas’ choice.”

“Yeah. That would- that would be nice.” Thomas smiled. “Thank you.”

“Come on. It’s better if this happens now.”

Thomas hobbled to the door and then Lafayette and Alexander were flanking him.

“Look at us,” Thomas scoffed, “about to be three orphans.”

“Mon ami! I am the only one truly an orphan.”

“That’s not something to be proud of Laf.”

“Maybe not for you.”

 

It turned out that being an orphan wasn’t quite as bad as Thomas had thought. He knew that there’d be a trial at some point. He knew that he’d have to face his father again but he couldn’t bring himself to care.

His bruises and cuts faded away to scars and nothingness until Thomas was pain free. He didn’t understand those days. He’d spent years living with the understanding that life meant pain, that the pain would only really leave when he died.

When he mentioned it to Lafayette the other teen looked horrified.

A month after his father had been arrested Thomas woke up to see Alexander at the foot of his bed. Alexander seemed to be doing that a lot since Thomas had come to him with what had happened, what had truly happened.

“Hello?” Thomas half asked. Alexander grinned.

“Thomas! You’re awake!”

“It’s still considered weird to watch people sleep.”

“Well if you didn’t sleep for so long then it wouldn’t be creepy.”

“If you took your medication to cure your damn insomnia it would be fine.”

“You’re boring.”

“You’re exhausting. Is there a reason you’re here?”

“Yes!” Alexander jumped up and Thomas followed his movements. “Washington got it all sorted!”

“Got what sorted?”

“You’re officially fostered!”

“Was I not before?” Thomas pulled his leg over the edge of the bed and reached for his pills.

“It was an emergency placement.”

“Right. So nothing changes apart from a piece of paper?”

“Why’d you always have to ruin the mood?” Alexander pouted and fell onto the bed. Thomas looked at him and snorted.

“Because it’s one of the few ways I can still annoy you.” Thomas poked Alexander in the side which caused the other teen to squeak and wriggle away.

“You still annoy me plenty Thomas.”

“Whatever you say.” Thomas flapped his hand a few times at Alexander before he stood, leaning heavily against the wall. Alexander stared at him as if waiting for him to collapse. Thomas had learnt that it didn’t help to tell Alexander to knock it off.

“Are you ready for school?”

“Seeing as I’m still in my pyjamas, take a guess.”

“Fine. You overslept by the way. We’re leaving in five minutes.”

Thomas glanced at the clock and swore. Alexander grinned and left the room. Thomas watched him go, glaring.

Their relationship had become horribly domestic at some point. When Thomas had nightmares it always seemed that Alexander was the first one there. The first few times Thomas had told him to go but after a while he just gave up.

Alexander was also the one who forced Thomas to take his medication. James would scowl at Thomas if he didn’t but Alexander was the one who would lay out the pills next to Thomas’ meal and bed. Their sniping had also mellowed at some point. Thomas didn’t think it would stop but it was almost comforting. The days that Thomas didn’t snipe at him were the days his leg acted up or the times when the nightmares took over his thoughts.

James would intervene on those days, force Thomas to pay attention to work or anything other than the warmth of his mother’s blood he could still feel across his face.

Thomas knew how lucky he was for the friends that he had and the friends that he made within Alexander and Lafayette’s odd circle of friends. It made him almost angry that he hadn’t given Alexander a chance to explain himself after what he did.

Thomas was beginning to regret a lot of things he’d done in the past. Not telling someone before was a big one. More than that was not telling James. He didn’t know if it would have stopped his father hitting him as much but Thomas did know that he could have stopped it, could have walked out before he did. He could have saved himself years of pain but he didn’t.

One of the things that hadn’t changed was the guilt. James and Lafayette were the loudest to tell him off about it because they knew what had happened, had known him before and after. Alexander was close behind them and he’d glare at Thomas any time he even suggested it had been his fault.

Thomas shook himself out of his reverie and pushed himself to walk down the stairs. Alexander was there. He shoved a plate at Thomas with a piece of toast on it.

“We’re going to be late. Come on.”

Thomas sighed and leant against the wall as he ate the toast. “You could have woken me sooner.”

“I was going to but then I got distracted.”

“I won’t even ask.”

“You could! It’s interesting!”

“I’ll pass.”

Alexander pouted at that and Thomas just smirked back. Thomas handed the plate back to Alexander who took it. Thomas stood and gripped his cane. It felt right, much better than either of his previous ones. He’d outgrown the first one several years before and the replacement had been too short. When Washington had offered to buy a cane Thomas had paused before Lafayette and Alexander started to talk over him. Thomas hadn’t bothered to argue.

“Thomas, can I have a word?” Thomas turned to see Washington watching him. Thomas nodded and limped over to his office. Washington closed the door behind him and Thomas stared at the man evenly. He wasn’t scared of Washington, not really but he didn’t like being trapped in a room.

“What is it sir?”

“As part of becoming your official foster parent I was allowed access to your medical records and police records.”

“I don’t have a criminal record sir.”

“I know.” Washington pulled out an envelope. “But you do have a story you need to read.”

“What is it?” Thomas took hold of it and opened the top.

“It’s the police report of the accident.”

“What?” Thomas paused and stared at Washington, wondering if he’d misheard.

“Alexander has told me that you don’t remember what happened. This is something that changed your life and it is something that you deserve to know about.”

“Have you read it?” Thomas’ voice was quiet.

“No. It’s your story Thomas and I only need to know what you are willing to share with me.”

“Thank you.”

“You’d better get going son or you’ll be late.”

“Yeah.” Thomas left the room, staring at the envelope in his hands. James was waiting outside and Alexander, Lafayette and Thomas climbed in. Thomas had automatic shotgun for the extra legroom it afforded him. As he got in James spotted the envelope.

“What’s that?”

“Nothing.” Thomas pulled it closer and James frowned. To Thomas’ relief he obviously decided to not pursue the subject.

 

Throughout the school day the envelope consumed Thomas’ thoughts. He couldn’t pay attention to his classes or his friends. The information would tell him once and for all if it was his fault. It would say if it had been a dumb accident or if he was a murderer.

Thomas didn’t know what he’d do if that was the case.

“So what is that thing?” Alexander asked at lunch. He didn’t have any taste for subtlety.

“Police report.”

“Police report?” Hercules echoed. “Did you kill someone?”

“If he did he wouldn’t be dumb enough to get caught. It would be ruled as self-defence.” James muttered with a smile.

“No. I- it’s the accident.” The table turned to stare at him for that. Hercules and John didn’t really understand what had happened but the other three knew the power that envelope held.

“Did Washington give it to you?” Alexander asked. Thomas nodded.

“And everything is in there?” Lafayette stared at the envelope as if he didn’t trust it.

“I haven’t read it but yeah. If it’s the police report then- then yeah.” Thomas bit at his lip.

“Are you going to open it?”

“I don’t know James. It’s big.” Thomas shrugged and smiled. “Little bit life changing you know? Anyway.” Thomas put the envelope down. “Do we have to make it a Disney marathon this weekend?”

“Why not?”  Alexander whined. “They’re so good!”

“They’re for kids.”

“That’s why they’re good.”

“Why does it not surprise me that your comedy is on the same level as a five year old?”

The conversation then devolved into an argument about the maturity necessary to fully understand a Disney movie. As he argued Thomas’ hand never left the envelope.

 

“You’re going to have to open it eventually.”

“Fuck off Alexander.”

“Look, I’m just saying,” Alexander slid into the seat next to Thomas, “it’s been a week since you got it and how many days have you had pain free?”

“You’re in my life. How could it be pain free?”

“You’re trying to get off topic.”

“There is no topic. I’ll open it when I want to.”

“It’s a report detailing the accident that ruined your life. When would you _ever_ want to read that? Only time travellers are meant to go through that shit.”

“Or literally anyone who looks into the police incidents. You don’t need to go sci-fi here.”

“Fine! Don’t read it!” Alexander threw his head back. “Just spend the rest of your life blaming yourself about something that happened years ago!”

“You think you’re awfully perceptive don’t you?”

“I know I am.”

“Might need to double check that.”

“Stop going off topic. You’re going to spend the rest of your life feeling bad unless you read it.”

“Or I could do literally anything else.”

“Thomas…”

“Why do you want me to do this so desperately? It’s not going to do anything for you!”

“Because I keep on seeing you in pain and I don’t wanna see that anymore.”

“You have a bleeding heart.”

“I’m serious Thomas. Your leg shouldn’t be acting up like this. You’ve been taking the meds and it should be fine. It isn’t and that’s because of that envelope and what it’s doing to your head.”

“It’s my business.”

“And it’s my business when your leg makes you cranky. You’re bad enough when you’re fine.”

“You’re an ass.”

“And you’re an idiot if you don’t look at that envelope. The worst that can happen is that-”

“That I found out that I murdered my family. I don’t want that information Alexander.”

“Or you find that it wasn’t your fault at all.”

“That-”

Alexander grabbed the envelope out of Thomas’ hands before Thomas could finish his sentence. In an instant Alexander was at the other end of the room, holding Thomas’ cane.

“You fucker! Give that back!” Thomas rose but fell forwards slightly. He caught himself on the sofa but just glared at Alexander. “Give it back!”

“Tell me you’re going to read it!”

“You-”

“You’re not helping anyone! You’re hurting yourself!” Thomas growled at that and forced himself upright again. He took several faltering steps forwards before he lunged for Alexander. Alexander stepped to the side and Thomas had to brace himself against the wall to not fall.

“Give it back to me you fucker.” Thomas hissed. Alexander glared at him. “Give it to me!”

“Fine.” Alexander snapped out. He handed Thomas his cane back but held onto the envelope. Thomas stared at him for a moment before bringing the cane down across Alexander’s wrist. Alexander yelped in pain and surprise. Thomas took the opportunity and grabbed the envelope.

“Fucking hell.” Alexander hissed as he flexed his wrist.

“You ever do that again and I’ll do a lot fucking worse.”

“Well last time you broke my arm so who knows?”

“Fuck off Alexander.”

“Thomas-”

“What? What do you want to say to me?” Thomas’ voice rose in anger and Alexander just sighed. His face fell.

“I want you to read it.” Alexander’s voice was quiet. “I want you to get that it isn’t your fault and it never was.” Thomas glared at Alexander for a moment before he sat back down on the sofa. Alexander paused for a second before he sat down next to Thomas.

“If it says something different then what do I do?” Thomas’ voice was quiet, all anger gone. Alexander was a pain but he was trying to help.

“It won’t.”

“If it does?”

“Then you know at least. There are no what ifs. You know what to not do again.”

“The next time my entire family is in a car crash you mean? It won’t be as crowded anymore.”

“Read it Thomas.”

Thomas sighed and opened the envelope. He stared at the front page where it said the date and the names of the police officers. “I- I can’t.” Thomas shook his head before he pressed it into Alexander’s hands. “Read it to me.”

“You sure?”

“I don’t know.” Thomas scoffed before he nodded. “Yeah. Read it.”

“Okay.” Alexander pulled the manila folder from the envelope and opened it. He glanced over it and frowned. “So yeah, it- this bit is just saying what happened to them all.”

“What did happen?”

“Um. William, you and your mother were the only ones who made it to the hospital not DOA. And-” Alexander frowned. “That’s not right.” He muttered under his breath.

“What is it?”

“How much do you remember before the actual crash happened?”

“Not much. All of my family were there.”

“Your dad?”

“No he was-” Thomas frowned. “I don’t remember much from before the crash. I don’t know where he was.”

“Your dad was driving.”

“That’s wrong.” Thomas reached for the envelope. Alexander handed it over and Thomas stared at the paper. “That- that’s not possible. But-” Thomas flipped through the report until he got to the interviews after the accident. “He- he never said he was there. Wouldn’t he-”

“Look,” Alexander was staring over Thomas’ shoulder, “he went to the hospital.”

“He got concussion.” Thomas frowned down at the page. “That doesn’t make sense.”

“Didn’t you say that you were out of it for a while?”

“Yeah. Some kind of coma but-” Thomas shook his head. “He would have told me.”

“Let’s just-” Alexander grabbed for the folder again and Thomas sighed. Alexander didn’t seem to take the hint and continued to flip through the pages. “Look, the other driver.”

“He was drunk.”

“Yeah.”

“Holy shit.” Thomas breathed out. “Died on impact. Didn’t even make it to the hospital.”

“It was at night. It was rainy.” Alexander scoffed. “It doesn’t say anything about the driver being distracted Thomas. So unless you can control the sun, the weather and the other person’s stupidity then it wasn’t your fault.”

“It wasn’t?” Thomas asked softly. Alexander smiled.

“Told you it would be fine.”

“Why didn’t I remember my dad was driving?”

“The amnesia I’d reckon. Does make you forget stuff.”

“So all of this- all the times he hurt me for killing them he was just-”

“Projecting? Trying to shift the blame? Being a shit dad? Yeah. Sound like it.” Alexander flipped a page over and blanched. “Don’t look at that page.”

“Okay.”

“Thomas, are you okay?”

“I-” Thomas shrugged. “I don’t know. This- it wasn’t my fault?” Thomas shook his head. “I don’t-”

“I get it.” Alexander moved closer to Thomas. “You’ve been blaming yourself for too long Thomas.” He laid his head on Thomas’ shoulder. Thomas didn’t move, just stared at the paper in front of him.

“He lied to me.”

“Yeah.”

“He hurt me.”

“Yeah he did.”

“But- if- he didn’t do it for this then- then why?” Thomas looked down at Alexander in confusion and Alexander sighed.

“There’s never a reason to hit someone else Thomas. People make up excuses but there’s no reason to abuse a child. I don’t know your father but I’m guessing he was angry a lot of the time.”

“Yeah. Whenever he drank.”

“There’s your excuse. There isn’t a reason. There’s nothing logical or sensible about it. He did it because he could, because he had power over you and he abused that. He knew you wouldn’t say anything and he used that as well.”

“I didn’t-” Thomas broke off and blinked dumbly. “I thought that it would be- I wanted there to be a reason.”

“There isn’t. Your mother died because of bad luck and an asshole who decided to drink. You were hurt because your dad decided to hurt you. I’m sorry Thomas but there was nothing you could do. There’s no point blaming yourself.”

“I thought that would feel better.”

“To know that the universe is empty and it sucks? Nope. I am not surprised it’s this shitty.”

“Do you ever shut up?” Thomas snapped. Alexander stared at him for a moment.

“Look Thomas, I know we say a lot of stuff. I know we insult each other but I- I do care for you, you know that, right?”

“What?”

“You mean a lot to me.” Alexander ducked his head down into Thomas’ shoulder as he spoke. “You always have.” Thomas stared at him for a moment before he smiled. He bent down and kissed the top of Alexander’s head. He paused. He didn’t know why he’d done that. Alexander stared back at him.

“You mean a lot to me as well idiot.” Thomas stood, letting Alexander scramble away. “I need to talk to Washington for a bit.”

“About what?”

“About what this just told me.”

“Do you want me to come with you?”

“Yeah that- that would be nice.”

Alexander’s face split into a grin and he bounded forwards. Thomas hobbled along next to him. When Thomas slipped his hand into Alexander’s neither of them said a word.

They’d said enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For anyone following me for Yorktown then please be patient. I just hit 150k and it's not done by a long way.  
> See you next time!


End file.
